I used to ask myself this question all the time “Am I suffering from depression”? “Am I suffering from depression” “Am I….” and on and on and on. And the bizarre thing is that no one knew for sure. I mean virtually every website will give you a different answer… how do you know which is right? The fact of the matter is that you dont know which answer is right and you never will. Sucks, huh? Thankfully, I realised that I didn’t actually need to know whether I had depression. What I needed was to stop thinking about the negatives; to stop questioning myself and to look to the positive. Seriously, say this to yourself one time out loud right now.
Am I Suffering from Depression…?
It feels negative, doesn’t it? Every time you say the line “Am I suffering from depression” it feels negative, and the more you say it the worse you feel.
I had my reasons for asking “Am I suffering from depression.” I had lost my mother to the war and had grown up without her since 3. She was a hero to me, and I felt totally inferior (I still do feel inferior actually, but I have gotten a lot better recently). So I had my reasons for asking the question. Yet no one would tell me. My dad hardly ever spoke to me and I wouldn’t ask a doctor could people would find out and that would cause a lot of trouble at home for me, for personal reasons. SO I was stuck by myself question myself over and over. But then I realised the truth.
Even if I could ask a doctor, what difference would it make? Whether or not I had depression was irrelevant. All that mattered was that there was a part of me I was not happy with, a part of me I needed to change. i would need to change that part whether or not the doctor said yes or no, so why bother asking the question at all?
I decided that it did not matter whether or not I had depression because my response would be the same either way : find a way to be happier, to change the side of myself I was not happy with. I decided to start doing exercises like meditation, where I would meditate on the positive memories of my mother that I did have, so I wouldn’t be thinking of the bad all the time. I’d do the Stop Sign exercise too to stop myself questioning everything. And one step at a time I learned to take control of my life. I am not in complete control even now, but with the exercises I am on my way. I feel a lot better about my relationship with my father (who became an alcoholic after losing my mum) and I got much better at school. I still don’t know the answer to the question, but now I believe the answer is that I am healthy, and so long as I believe I’m okay myself, then that’s all that matters.
So stop asking “Am I suffering from depression” and realise that if there is a part of you you wish to change, you have all the power you need to change it. The following are some exercises I do to help myself. I hope they help you too.