So this is it, I guess. I’m moving on. If you know my story you’ll know how hard it’s been for me to live for… well… to live for me, myself, thats why Im only now getting around to this question of how to find purpose in life.
I found out what had happened to mum, thanks to Gina and to Daniels, and I got to say goodbye to her, at last. And I guess now I have to try to find myself and live for me. I think that is what she would want. But the question is how to find purpose in life when all you have ever thought about is someone else? That’s my goal in life, now. And maybe you guys could do with some advice on how to find purpose in life too. I’m going to be working on this a lot and I’ll be posting what I discover right here on arolemodel.com, as well as my discoveries about depression, moving on after losing a loved one, exercise for depression (I’m an exercise nut, that’s one part of mum I always will have with me), and a lot more, so maybe you can check back here regularly and we can find our life’s purpose together. For today, though, I’m going to talk about the value of life in itself, and why it is so important to have purpose.
How to Find Purpose in Life
It wasn’t until Gina came to my home one night… friends of mine will remember that as the night my life nearly ended at my own hand (if you don’t know the story, you can read it in part of Dog Tags, here)… and she told me about meditation, about how Bruce Lee and a whole load of other fighters meditated to centre themselves, that I really discovered my purpose (and which I’ve now achieved a big part of). Before Gina spoke to me, I’d been a total asshole. Seriously, I was a right piece of work. I’d hung around with bullies (though I didn’t really bully anyone myself), I’d done drugs, I smoked and drank (I still do smoke and drink though) and my life was going to hell. At that point, if someone would have suggested Id have been writing this article about how to find purpose in life, I would have laughed. All I had in my mind those days was that the government had taken away my mum’s life. I was full of hate. I hated them, I hated myself cause I felt responsible, I hated everyone. My every day was basically spent trying to distract myself so I could just get through. And that lasted all my life, at least all my life I can remember. Day after day I’d just mess about and get nothing done. And it’s funny cause everyone at school thought I was the cool one who just didn’t care, but ya know what? I did care. I cared so damn much I couldn’t handle it and I just shut off. Fifteen years that lasted. So what made it change?
How to Find Purpose in Life
Step 1 :
- Realising I’m the one alive, and I’m alive NOW : I always thought my life was about mum (it still is, but not absolutely). I thought I had no life because it had been robbed from me. I thought I had no future cause all I wanted was my mum back. I was constantly thinking, thinking, thinking, past, future, never now. Then, when I did the meditation that Gina told me about, I just realised, all that I am is what is here now. I realised that my dreams were just dreams, my past just memories, my hallucinations just imaginings. They weren’t real. All that was real was me, my body, sitting in my bedroom, amongst a pile of trash. That was all. My life was all around me, and in the real world, not in my head. If I wanted to sort my life out, I had to find it amongst the trash in my room and the world outside of me that I felt so distant from. I had to find myself in what was really there, if you see my point. Stop dreaming, stop hallucinating, stop remembering, see my true life around me.
How to Find Purpose in Life Step 2 :
- Realising I’m never gonna meet superman : I don’t know if this is only me, but I’d always had this weird delusion that at some point in my life a hero would enter and sort everything out. Actually, maybe that isn’t too weird after all because my heroes did come : Gina and Daniels. Together they helped sort my life out. BUT, and this is really important, Gina and Daniels only helped me because I ASKED THEM TO. Seems stupid, right? But I bet you often sit there wishing people weren’t so stupid and could just come give you what you need without you even asking. You’re basically wishing people were psychic and could tell what was wrong and help you without you lifting a finger. News Flash : People aren’t mind readers (uhh… except mind readers, I guess, but they’re really conmen anyway). People can’t help you unless you tell them what it is you need. And that’s not cause people don’t want to help. I bet there are people in your life trying to help you right now, people who think they’re doing the right thing, but what they’re doing isn’t working cause you wont tell them what it is you really need. It’s confusing, LOL. But You just have to tell people what it is you need, and I reckon more often than not they’ll give you what you want.
How to Find Purpose in Life Step 3 :
- Realising that acting cool and pretending not to care wasn’t helping : This one will probably seem weird. A lot of people try to act like they don’t care, I guess because they’re afraid of getting hurt more than they already are. I was the cool kid at school for years cause I didn’t care. People thought I was hard, fearless. HA! I wish. I was scared sh- / witless. I ran into my own head where I could be in control of everything and no one could hurt me. And it worked, on the outside. Everyone treated me with respect, I had friends, I got all the perks the cool kids get. And for a while I managed to pretend they were important to me. Wow, what bullshit. Everything I got for being the cool kid meant nothing whilst I was living a lie. Why did it matter that other people thought I was strong whilst on the inside I was torn to pieces? It didn’t, and it wasn’t until I realised that the external (the way people looked at me, the perks etc.) meant nothing compared to my real emotions inside, that I was able to put the bullshit aside and face the music. So I guess I’m saying this : ask yourself; are you really helping the situation by pretending your emotions don’t exist, or are they getting worse and worse?
More than anything, though, what helped me was this, and I really hope this helps you to.
How to Find Purpose in Life Step 4 :
I realised what death was.
My mum had died, but I didn’t really know what that meant. Actually I still don’t, but I do know one thing : At the time of my death, when Im about to die and its all said and done, I WILL STILL BE ME. I’m not gonna change. The person I am now is the person I will be when I die. All the tomorrows mean nothing. I wouldn’t wake up one day and be someone else. the only way my emotions were ever going to change was if I did something about them, here and now. And that is where this whole article about how to find purpose in life comes from, because a lot of us put it off until tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes. Now, finding your lifes purpose should be the chief aim right now. After all, if you dont know where youre heading, why take the next step?
I had to use what I had : my few belonging, my head (which at the time was pretty messed up), and my friends. That was all I had. If I was to make a change, I’d have to do it using what I had. it wasn’t a lot but it was all I had. I didn’t have tomorrow (I guess I never would) I didn’t have yesterday, I didn’t have the love my mum would give me if she were a live. I had a room, a computer, the letter from mum, and a few friends, and either I created a change in my life through them, or I died the depressed and messed-up kid I’d already been for too long.
I hope my story can help you guys too. Thanks for reading.
- Guy Cormun is a fictional character in the novella Dog Tags by Paul Harrison.
To read a portion of Dog Tags for free, click here : DOG TAGS FREE SAMPLE.
To read the whole book, click here : Dog Tags Ebook ($1.50)
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