How To Be Emotionally Intelligent In A Relationship And At Work

A reader wrote in to ask how to be emotionally intelligent in a relationship and at work. It’s a good question. Emotional intelligence is important. Thankfully there are lots of ways how to be emotionally intelligence in a relationship and at work, and we’ll guide you through them.



Some people just have that charm to them where they make you feel like you can sit comfortably and chat with them, knowing they’re listening, understanding and not judging you. You know, the kind of people you can talk to for a few minutes and immediately feel better; people with personal skills and great listening skills.

Other people have fantastic emotional skills; never screaming or getting angry, always calmly facing any problem that might come their way. Accepting of criticism, not budging to pressure, not letting cross words get to them.

What both these people have in common is a high degree of emotional intelligence; they understand themselves and their own emotions as well as the emotions, thoughts, behaviour and needs of others. Wouldn’t life be better if we could all be like this?


Emotional Intelligence (EI) has gone from strength to strength in recent years and is now considered as important in both personal lives and professional lives as IQ, and no surprise. Whether it be a divorce lawyer, a psychiatrist for depression, counsellor or other mental health specialist who has to handle clients with great sensitivity, a real estate agent meeting prospective buyers, a member of the police force (who of course must handle situations delicately), or even a telephone salesman trying to make a trade, the better we are able to relate to others the better we are able to perform our jobs.

Social skills are incredibly valuable but can be difficult to develop, after all, there are so many different personalities how can we possibly understand and interact with them all effectively?

The answer is in developing our Emotional Intelligence, and if there’s one person who can help us develop our emotional intelligence it’s ME—oh wait, no, sorry, it’s not me, it’s Daniel Goleman, an internationally known psychologist who lectures frequently to professional groups, business audiences, and on college campuses.

Daneil Goleman describes Emotional Intelligence as having five key components:


How to be emotionally intelligent in a relationship / at work #1: Self-Awareness

People with a high degree of emotional intelligence understand themselves very well and are able to control their emotions. They know their strengths and weaknesses and accept both and are honest with themselves but not hard on themselves.

How to be emotionally intelligent in a relationship / at work #2: Self Regulation

Self Regulation is an ability to control emotions and impulses. Self regulation keeps negatives like anger and temptations in check and also enables a person to think before acting, even in heated moments. and also people to think before they act.

How to be emotionally intelligent in a relationship / at work #3: Self-Motivation

Those with a high degree of emotional intelligence are better able to motivate themselves, to go for what they want long term (as opposed to what they want in the moment) and are productive and effective.

How to be emotionally intelligent in a relationship / at work #4: Social Awareness

Social Awareness (which could also be called empathy) is the ability to recognise and understand how another is feeling. Empathy is immensely important in relationships as it allows a person to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Emotional Intelligence Component #5: Social Skills

We always know when we talk to someone with good social skills as these people make it a pleasure to relate to them, being good at listening and understanding and always appearing present and interested. People with good social skills are generally able to put others first, can see past personal bias and are good at resolving disputes.

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