What are your personal best tips to control anger? Are they easy and fast? Do they really work? If not, there are some anger management tips that will really help you out.
But first off, knowledge is power. If you want to control anger easily you need to know what causes your anger. So…
What causes anger?
A lot, it would seem.
It used to be pretty much anything could make me angry, and I was far from the only one. People get angry for a million different reasons, but essentially it all comes down to the same thing:
We get angry when our preconceived idea of the world and our idea of how things should be is violated.
Thankfully, this definition of anger also provides a way to control anger. You know that your anger is caused by the way you think things should be. The problem is the way you’re thinking. So you can stop anger by controlling your negative thoughts.
Anger is caused by the way you’re thinking. It’s when your thoughts get out of control that you start to feel vexed. Lose control of your thoughts and you lose self control. You feel like you don’t have control of your own actions. Sound familiar?
So if you want to control your anger easily you need to have control of your thoughts. You need to manage your anger by managing the way you’re thinking. You need to realise that you have control over your thoughts. An because you have control of your thoughts you have control of your anger.
As soon as you start to believe that you have control over your anger rather than your anger having control over you, you’ll start to relax, to feel less of a victim of your own emotions. So, how do we regain control?
That’s where these tips come in.
Here are the best tips to control your anger easily and fast.
Best tips to control anger #1: Realise it’s in Your Head
First thing’s first. The anger is in your head and the best way to control anger is to realise that YOU are creating it.
Seems weird, huh? Yet it’s true.
Whether it’s anger caused by other people, anger at work, or any other kind of anger, you are the one creating it.
You’re creating anger because you believe that someone has violated the established rules
A kid kicks your seat on the plane; they’re breaking the rules of holiday etiquette. Your wife or husband fails to meet your arrangements; they’re breaking an agreement. An employee fails to give you the proper respect; they’re breaking the rules of the workplace. Yet all these forms of anger come down to one thing: life is not panning out how you believe it should. You have, in your head, an idea of how things should be, and life simple isn’t following suit.
So the first and most easy way to control anger is to realise that it’s just in your head. And the easiest way to do that is by practicing a technique called Vipassana. You can learn about Vipassana here.
Best Tips to control anger #2: Acceptance
If we get angry because our preconceived idea of how things should be keeps getting violated. So the logical solution is to stop being so obsessed with the way things should be.
Stop having preconceived ideas. Roll with the punches. That’s how people stay clam in negative situations.
Say you’re angry because a kid is creaming on a plane but no one else seems angry. The other passengers have simply accepted that their flight is going to be noisy. As soon as they accepted this new reality, they were able to see that, whilst their situation might be annoying, it really wasn’t that bad.
Sometimes, however, we just can’t accept, so what then?
Best Tips to Control Anger #3: Recognise the Underlying Cause of your Anger.
This is the big one.
The reason we are not always able to accepted reality is because it conflicts with a deeper part of ourselves.
For instance, lets say you’re the boss of a company and an employee is doing something to anger you (and you cant just fire or suspend them!) … at this time you will probably think to yourself something like “Im the boss, I dont need to deal with this S***” or “Its beneath me” and so on.
This line of thinking is the entire issue because you then exagerate the situation to become “This employee is disrespecting me” or worse.
To give another example; I personally believe I am a good writer, and when someone posts in those comments below that I suck… I rage. “What the &^*! Do you know about writing ya ill-educated schmuck! GRRRR!!!’ Okay, that’s how I used to be years ago. I am a lot more chilled now.
When you think like that you give yourself a major issue. The real reason we get angry is because we believe the other person has crossed some LINE that only exists because of beliefs we too tightly hold about ourselves. Therefore, you must recognise that there is an underlying cause to your anger. And then change that underlying cause.
Tips to Control Anger 3b: Discovering the Secret
In order to discover that secret reason for your rage (the belief you are holding too tightly that the other person is conflicting with), you have to step back and truly look at yourself.
Just imagine you are taking a little step outside of your own head and then look down and ask “Why do I (the person you are now looking at) find this situation so annoying? What is it about this scene that conflicts with my beliefs about myself.” Give yourself time to answer this question. And be honest. You’ll likely find something truly revealing.
Here are some examples…
I’m mad that guy said I look bad because I know I look good and I NEED to look good
Enlightened, Positive Thought:
Well… if I do look bad today then clearly looking bad doesn’t matter too much as I hadn’t even noticed before that guy told me … Wait… a …. minute….!!!! I don’t NEED to look good everyday in order to be happy!
Don’t these bloody employees realise I’m the boss!
Enlightened, Positive Thought:
Maybe they’re just trying to lighten the mood!
Tips to Control Anger
Your emotions always stem from an underlying belief, a perception of yourself and the world around you. You get angry when reality turns out to not be exactly what you thought it was, when something contradicts your belief of the world, but THERE is where the real secret lies…. if something contradicts your view of the world then clearly your view of the world is not 100% accurate (in other words, you dont think your employees should crack jokes at your expense, but they do, so clearly your opinion was wrong.)
In this way, your anger actually points out errors in your perception of the world. Should you then RECOGNISE your error you can then correct your view of the world. You can think “Employees CAN crack jokes at my expense cause we are all human.” This will then lead to even more revelations. “At work we are still people… Perhaps if I engage my employees more human sides I will improve my relationship with them….” Then a few weeks later. “Wow. Im actually liking spending time with my employees since I lightened up, and they like it to.
We have a more positive attitude and that has increased our productivity”… That’s right : your anger is trying to teach you something. That’s why shortly after I get angry I am thankful for the cause because I know it has taught me something about life. It has corrected my view of the world, and that in turn empowers me to work more effectively and to make the right decision more often.
Next up: Try these anger management strategies that work.
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