Where does confidence come from and how can we be super confident? As any good confidence training courses will say, confidence is king. Thankfully, there are some great ways how to help your self esteem. The exercise on this page is one exercise I picked up from a friend who works in counseling self esteem programs in schools. It’s extremely effective!
You need to be super confident to succeed in life, but where does confidence come from? When you know the basic principles of confidence, you’ll be able to be super confident in no time.
Where Does Confidence Come From
As of late I’ve been meditating a great deal (over an hour a day) and have just this morning discovered a way in which I can very quickly begin to boost my confidence. way is through focussing on small changes I make in my environment.
This is incredibly simple, yet it is the answer to where does confidence come from and a way how to be super confident, because when we realise that we do, continually, make real changes to the world each and every moment of our lives, we recognise that we have power. So, the key to confidence is recognising our power. Sadly, for various reasons, we spend a lot of our time actively stopping ourselves from recognising the power we have.
How To Be Super Confident — Quit holding yourself back
Anyone who regularly practices positive psychology, self help or self improvement (and particularly those who meditate) will likely have noticed how strange it is when you suddenly realise you are not doing something you know would be of benefit. There are so many great tools we can use for self improvement and likely you know many of them already. But how often do you use them? It’s a bizarre fact of human nature that even when we know something is good for us we still fail to do it routinely. This is true for confidence true, for even now that we’ve answered the question “where does confidence come from” and we know how to be super confident (by recognising the changes we make in the world each and every moment of our existence) we will still stop ourselves from doing it.
I’m reminded of a quote by Joseph Goldstein (a leader in bringing mindfulness to the west and the author of One Dharma), who said, “Being mindful is easy. Remembering to be mindful is the hard part.” So it is with other self help / improvement tools too: we know how to do them, we know we should do them yet often we simply forget.”
What does this have to do with having self confidence?
The fact of the matter is that having self confidence is easy if we remember to use this very simple and very effective tool: focussing on changes we create in the world.
Let me explain this through my own current situation.
At the moment I am obsessed with selling my books “Smoking Thoughts” and “War within Grief” (see note below). I have, as many authors and artists have, something of an obsessive thought about becoming a successful writer (and actor; neither of which I would currently consider myself to be). So obsessed have I been about this thought that it has eclipsed seemingly everything else I do. I have been oblivious to minor successes that I have had over recent times because they weren’t the success I wanted most. Naturally, this has been affecting my self confidence. When we fail to realise the differences we are making in the here and now, when we fail to recognise our minor successes on a day to day basis, we begin to feel distant from the moment; we feel as though we are achieving nothing, we begin to feel powerless and irrelevant and our self confidence suffers greatly as a result.
Perhaps the single most important part of self confidence is a recognition of our ability to elicit changes in our world. It’s the recognition part that is most important here. We are all capable of making changes in the world. Heck, we all make changes in the world even when we don’t want to. Even by staying in bed and doing nothing we still make changes in our world, here changing the realities of work colleagues or family by our absence. The point is; whatever we do, we are making changes. We are never truly powerless, but we often forget to recognise the changes we are making in the real world and so create a false belief in our incompetence.
To recap: Where does confidence come from? It comes from recognising the changes we make in the world.
How to have self confidence and how to be super confident: Recognise those changes every moment of our lives
Most often, when we feel powerless it is because we are blinding ourselves by one goal that we hold onto too tightly. Goals like my personal goal of becoming a successful author and actor may be important, but nowhere near as important as an ability to enjoy the moments of our lives or as important as our mental health or self confidence.
If we are to have self confidence we must be willing to put aside our lofty aspirations and focus on changes we can and do create in the here and now. By focussing on the changes we are creating—no matter how small they may be—we set our minds on a path of empowerment as we begin to feel capable of more and more.
Even if we are currently at an extremely low level of self esteem or if we are suffering from depression, we can still choose to focus on the small changes we are making. Perhaps all we are capable of is some seemingly miniscule task like giving a weak smile. So long as we focus on the action and the outcome; so long as we focus on lifting our cheeks and then recognising the difference that action makes in others (causing them to smile back) then we will be setting our minds down the path of action: outcome. This will begin to develop our self confidence and from there we will quite naturally move to bigger actions and bigger outcomes. Remember, it’s the little baby steps that lead us up the mountain.
What this all comes down to is this. To have self confidence right now, simply perform some action, no matter how small, and be mindfully aware of the changes that action makes in the real world. Notice that you did something and something happened in response. Remind yourself that you do have power in the real world, that you can create change. This exercise is ridiculously easy, yet it is an incredibly powerful tool for our confidence and general mental well being.
Having self confidence is easy; remembering to have self confidence is the hard part.
MORE ON SELF CONFIDENCE
So, we know how to have self confidence. We know how to be super confident. We know where confidence comes from.