Keep asking yourself “Why am I so unlucky”?
Do you feel unlucky with money. Maybe you’re unlucky in love.
You, my friend, are about to get a reality check.
Today I am being a tool. I’m a little bit irked, you see. Little bit salty. And I keep acting like other people have good things because they’re lucky. So the rest of this post is me having a go at myself for being so delusional. But if you happen to think that you are unlucky, then a lot of this is going to ring true for you.
Do you keep asking yourself “Why am I so unlucky”?
Are you unlucky all the time? Taking the wrong financial advice? Betting on sports teams and losing? Unlucky in love?
Me, I’m unlucky in work. And when I say unlucky, I mean “other people have it a bit better than I do and I feel bad about that”. Even though there are millions of people who have it worse.
So here’s something you and I could both do with realising: you make your own luck
Instead of asking “why am I so unlucky” (in life, in love or anywhere else) you need to learn how to create luck by seeing the opportunities right in front of your eyes.
Trust me, luck is in your life, you just need to tap into it. So, how do you do that? Let’s start by looking at why you think you’re unlucky.
Why am I So Unlucky? Because you dont understand what luck is
Luck. Some people have it. Some people don’t. And you want to be one of the chosen few who happen, oh so incidentally, upon success, wealth, love and happiness as though by chance, don’t you, my friend?
You want to stop asking “Why am I so unlucky” and become one of the few people who seem to have it all given to them.
But how exactly can you become lucky?
After all, luck isn’t something we achieve or even something we can work on, is it?
Luck is illusive, an intangible idea, a word we say to express something that seems to happen as though incidentally.
Here are some examples of what most people consider “luck”
- If someone happens to be out for a walk when at their feet they feel a scratch, whereupon they bend over and inspect the grass to find a ten pound note; they’re lucky.
- If someone goes for a coffee alone one day and happens to see an attractive member of the opposite sex sitting by themselves too, whereupon the two hit it off; they’re lucky.
- If someone happens to overhear that there’s a new job opportunity that needs filling immediately and they end up getting it just because they were there; they’re lucky.
- If someone happens to have left the stove on and they smell gas just before lighting a cigarette and killing themselves; they’re lucky.
These are just a few typical examples of ways in which people might be lucky. Take a look at them again. Do you notice anything about those incidents? One thing that seems to be going on time and time again? There is a similarity. It’s that in all of these “lucky incidents” someone found something. And how do you find something? You’ve got to have your eyes open. You’ve got to be mindful of what’s going on (and you can start to do that with these 25 mindful habits).
So what is luck really? Most of the time it’s noticing an opportunity and pouncing. And you can train yourself to do that.
If you can teach yourself to be more observant, more curious and more aware, you will see the opportunities for good fortune in your life. If you can be mindful, you will increase your luck. So, how can you become more mindful and thereby more lucky?
You know the real reason you think those other people are lucky? You’re salty
You’re salty about other people’s luck. Just plain salty. And by salty I mean jealous. Yep. Total green-eyed monster going on inside of you.
When you say, “They’re lucky” you really mean, “I wish that had happened to me”. Right?
You know what happens every time you think like that? You actually stop yourself from developing.
Think about it. You see someone else’s success. You downplay it. You think, “They’re just lucky”. Never mind if they actually deserved to get what they get. You’re salty. And you demand that it was just luck.
Because you demand it was just luck, you say to yourself, “I could have that if I were lucky”. And then you stop yourself from doing the thing that would bring you could fortune. Because, hell, why would you work your butt off for something if you could get the same thing through pure luck, which this other person did (even though they didn’t, you just acted like they did).
That kinda jealous is going to mess you up.
So let’s get this straight.
There is no such thing as luck.
With the exception of lottery tickets and certain gambles that are deliberately set-up to be pure luck, luck in life comes down to becoming aware of something.
We feel the ten pound note, see the attractive person, hear the job opportunity, and smell the gas. If we are lucky, we keep becoming aware of good things. But if we’re one of the people who keep asking “why am I so unlucky?” then we keep coming across the bad things instead. Why? Because just by believing that you are unlucky you will look for things that confirm that belief.
People act in ways that confirm their beliefs even when those beliefs are negative (this is why some people continually enter bad relationships because they believe they will). You can read more about this on Wikipedia.
If you believe you are unlucky you will act in ways that support that belief. Believe you’re unlucky and you will do things that make you feel unlucky.
So how do you change that?
- Start by changing your beliefs. I’ve written a guide to changing your beliefs. Use it and start believing you are lucky (and if you really think that you are not lucky in any way, take a look at this list of things to be thankful for).
- Stop doing things that confirm your negative belief.
That second point was a little confusing. I should write that better. So here goes.
How to stop being unlucky
Because you believe that you are unlucky, you will act in ways that make you feel unlucky. (see above). So…
- When you are doing something negative, stop.
- Ask yourself, “Does this make me feel like I am unlucky?
- If yes, tell yourself “I am doing this because I think I am unlucky”
- Stop the action. Ask yourself, “If I believed I were lucky, what would I do then?”
- Do that thing.
- Do this routinely and you will start to train your mind that you are lucky, and then you will act in positive ways that bring positive results.
- If you think this will be challenging for you, try practicing mindfulness meditation. It will slow you down and help you to achieve the above points.
- If you still think “This is dumb. I will always be unlucky” do yourself a favor. Realise that you could use a little more optimism and hope. I’ve written a guide to Why Hope Is Important And how To Be More Hopeful. Take a look.
To start to see your good fortune, practice being observant
The central ingredient in every lucky incident is this: a person become aware of something good. We find the ten pound note. We see the hot girl. We overhear the opportunity. We smell the gas. Yet rather than saying that the people in these examples have good observational skills, most people would say they were lucky. Why?
The answer is that most people believe that these lucky incidents don’t exist for them. “Oh I wish I could have felt money at my foot,”—the average person says—“you must be lucky.” But the odds are that we have all most likely walked right past money—whether it be real physical money or the opportunity to make money—we simply didn’t see it. We’re so preoccupied with our thoughts, so busy asking, “Why am I so unlucky” that we spend our every day walking past our luck while pretending it doesn’t exist.
“Why am I so unlucky?” is a thought a great many of us frequently have, and it’s not far wrong, it just needs a little tweaking. Let’s change it to “Why dont I ever find luck” and recognise that it’s the finding part that matters.
If we are to be lucky, we must be good at finding, discovering and spotting. To experience “lucky” incidents, we have to be aware of them, and to be aware of them, we need to spend less time obsessing over our thoughts and a lot more time focusing on the world outside ourselves. We need to be aware of the feeling of that itch at our foot, aware of the sight of an attractive person, aware of the voices of the people speaking about the job, and aware of the smell of gas. We need to take our focus away from thoughts like “they’re lucky and I’m not” and we need to put that focus where it belongs, on our senses and on the world outside ourselves, a world where opportunity and luck sit right now, waiting for our open eyes.
Here’s a very interesting video about mindfulness and luck
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